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It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would’ve put them on my knees.The kids text me “plz” which is shorter than please. I text back “no” which is shorter than “yes.”I’m going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I’ll do the second week.Even duct tape can’t fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!Why do I have to press one for English when you’re just gonna transfer me to someone I can’t understand anyway?Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.This item is compliments of an Anonymous donor:A man was sitting on a blanket at the beach. He had no arms and no legs.Three women, an American, a Kiwi and a Australian Woman, were walking past and felt sorry for the poor man.The American woman said “Have you ever had a hug?”The man said “No,” so she gave him a hug and walked on.The Kiwi woman said, “Have you ever had a kiss?”The man said, “No,” so she gave him a kiss and walked on.The Australian woman came. I sat and watched her for a while, staring at her face in the moonglow, and debated whether or not I should change her into one of my old T-shirts. The pervert in me won out, and I crept to my room to get a shirt for her. When I got back, I lifted her up slightly so that I could undo the buttons on the back of her shirt, if you could call it that, and slowly pulled it from her shoulders, nearly gasping as her breasts fell free of the material. They were beautiful, with large, penny colored nipples that quickly hardened in the coolness of the room. I then began to slide her skirt off of her, and was shocked to find my darling daughter not wearing any panties. She took care of herself though, I noticed as I took in her bush, trimmed and shaped into a gentle V. Lifting her up once again, I slid the shirt over her head and laid her back down on the bed. "Daddy?" she whispered, and I froze, knowing that she would think I was a horrible, dirty old man. "Will you lay with me, and hold me?.
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